Dating The Married Man? Know the Consequences

By Ken Pile

What should you do when you find yourself connected to a married man?

What should you do when you find yourself connected to a married man?

Many women find themselves involved with married men. If you’ve found yourself in this relationship rut, then please, pause and take this advice to heart.

Dont take his word for it and think of his wife:

Despite all that he would have told you, remember you’re only hearing his side of the story. And he is allowing you to see what he wants you to see. Consider his wife who has been married to him for however many years, took care him when he was ill, made sacrifices for him and so forth. What are your actions doing to her? Moreover, he is allowing you to intrude in his marriage, which is really “HER TURF.” That doesn’t say anything about her, but speaks volumes about what he ultimately thinks of you.

There are no guarantees:

Even if your married man decided to leave his wife and family for you, that doesn’t guarantee relationship success. If he is willing to have an affair with you, he will also do it to you. If he’s living this deception with you today, how could you ever trust him if you did get into a legitimate relationship with him? You already know he’s a liar, because he’s living a lie with his wife. How can you be sure whether you’re the only “other woman” he has? Entertain the possibility that he is lying to you, and that you are being used.

Think about STDs – Youre not the only one:

Many times, married men still have sexual intercourse with their wives and or other females as well. And of course, they are not going to let you know this. Now, let’s say one of his other women has an STD, and unknowing to him, he has sexual intercourse with her, guess who’s next in line for it? Understand that because he’s sexing you, doesn’t mean he’s staying away from others.

Bring the relationship to an end

You will hurt, you will feel broken-hearted, but ultimately, you’ll be better off for this decision. Take some time to get really clear with yourself about who you are and what you want. The most important relationship you’ll ever have in this world, is the one you have with yourself. And eventually, you’ll fall in love again with someone who’s willing to make you first in his life

Ken Pile is the Editor of ASK THE LOVE DOCTOR 246; a blog and online community, designed to give women a better insight about love and relationships from the point of view of a man. Find him on Facebook at Ask The Love Doctor 246

A Woman’s Guide to Safe-Guarding Her Relationship

The following tips should help a woman to protect her relationship from the threat of the other woman, known in this article as “the Vulture”:

  • be weary of late-night telephone or cell phone calls to your husband from other women, especially those calls he keeps hidden
  • be suspicious of women who want to befriend your man but are not interested in being a friend of the couple or family
  • if your partner spends an inordinate amount of time on social networking sites like Facebook, observe whether this “habit” is open to you or if you are free to peruse his page at any time
  • as a couple, set parameters and boundaries in your relationship where other members of the opposite sex are concerned
  • have a common philosophy about the “best-friend” issue; (there is no way my husband should have another woman as his “best-friend” I don’t care how much of a childhood friend she is)!
  • be honest in your relationship about expectations, needs and disappointments; relationships become vulnerable to adultery when they are built on dishonesty and a lack of communication
  • strengthen the levels of intimacy in the relationship by spending quality time together
  • keep your man sexually happy and fulfilled without being his slave (a delicate balancing act I admit)
  • preserve a sense of sexual-mystery in the marriage relationship by keeping things fresh as much as possible (in spite of the pressures of the “rat-race” which we face as couples)
  • demand respect from your partner by not tolerating emotional or sexual infidelity in any form or fashion
  • listen to and trust your intuition; most of the time (if not all) that you are suspicious of another woman’s motives where your man is concerned, YOU ARE RIGHT!
  • act on your intuition; if your partner displays suspicious behaviour and there is any reason to doubt him, CONFRONT him
  • don’t be the naive woman because you want to be liked by all; know that Vultures don’t play; don’t befriend one, she is the ENEMY
  • if you decide to keep your husband even if he has fallen prey to a Vulture, make sure that he accepts responsibility for his actions and seeks help independently of you, through counseling, therapy or mentoring by a man who has his head screwed on right
  • if your relationship is to survive the attack of a Vulture, then you must learn to forgive; this is a process, not an event and should not be rushed; take time to examine the relationship, access its weaknesses, vulnerabilities and strengths and together plot a path to progress so that it never falls prey again to the wiles of the “other woman”

When a Woman is a Vulture and Your Man the Prey

Usually, vultures have mastered the art of seduction.

We’ve all met this kind of woman I’m sure. We can sense her a mile away. She is a bird of prey and most likely, she’s preying on your man. Lest I be misunderstood, this article is not an attempt to absolve men of any of the guilt or responsibility which they must acknowledge when it comes to cheating. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Men are not babies. They know what they are doing when they decide to take that plunge and sleep with another woman. Be that as it may, it is critical to note that when men fail sexually in their relationships, they don’t do it alone. Their weakness is cheerfully egged on and facilitated by the women they make themselves vulnerable to.

This comes as no surprise because as long as there have been Sampsons, there have been Delilahs. For those not familiar with that story, Delilah was a woman (in Biblical times) who got the better of the man she targeted by playing the oldest trump-card in the world; sex. Even though she had somewhat of a Political agenda, basically she was a spy for the Philistine nation, she understood how to “work it” to get what she wanted. Centuries have passed and not much has changed. There are women who are experts at plotting and planning for men just to get what they want whether that be money, status, bling, more money or plain old sex.

Vultures have a particular way with men. It’s not just that they may be physically appealing (and very often they are) but they have an intimate knowledge of men. They understand what makes a man tick and are very good at breaking down a man’s defenses to their own advantage. Usually this intimate knowledge of men comes about as a result of their wide and varied experiences with several men. Make no bones about it, these women have been to the school of life and have studied men like an out-of-print textbook. What makes a woman a vulture therefore is not her innate sexiness, charisma, nor her ability to befriend, empathise with or “counsel” although these are all vulture strategies. Women are categorized as vultures because of their selfish agenda. Primarily Vultures care about numero uno. You see this woman is never what she appears to be at face value simply because she doesn’t have a genuine bone in her body. She wants what she wants, when she wants it and to hell with you if you try to get in her way!

If you live on this planet earth, chances are you will meet a vulture in your lifetime. She may be your husband’s or guy’s work colleague. She could be a neighbor, an old cherished friend of his or the girl he meets at a game or at the Gas Station. She might even be one of your girlfriends. The point is, if she fancies sinking her teeth (and other parts of her anatomy) into some fresh prey, then she could very well pose a problem.

Vultures are good at inventing excuses as to why a guy needs to spend time with them. It could seem as innocent as a request to have a tyre changed, the need to have something heavy lifted, or the need to have a shoulder to cry on. Whatever the case, Vultures know how to make a guy feel needed and wanted and they really don’t care if he’s married or in a committed relationship. In fact that seems to make him even more attractive to Vultures! That being said, don’t make the mistake of believing that every Vulture is a desperate single-woman, some are married but live their “other-woman” existence underground.

The woman who is categorized as a Vulture, like her name-sake, watches her victim from a distance. She studies him carefully, assesses his wants and weaknesses and then moves in for the kill. As a Vulture tries new ways to get close to your man, she is really gathering the information needed to guarantee his downfall with her. If he’s a man on the look out for some extra sex, then her job is made even easier.There is really no rocket-science to her having her wicked way with this guy. However, if her prey is a family man, a husband who loves his wife but maybe a bit bored or needy in some way, she understands that her tactics have to be a lot more studied and sly.

The Vulture will therefore seek to undermine a marriage by pointing out very underhandedly, all the ways a man’s wife has not been meeting his needs. If she’s smart she might not actually bring up the wife’s name but will find ways and means of presenting herself as a viable and better option. So a Vulture, unlike most wives, will always make herself sexually accessible. She never says no. She might even do those things that some wives would never, ever dream of doing in and out of bed. She is a connoisseur at being the “better other woman” and knows how to play her cards well.

The truth be told, some Vultures are hardly interested in marriage to the guy. Being tied to any one man may actually cramp her style since she may like to leave all of her options open to new and potentially more promising experiences. So why go after any man in the first place you might ask? It’s important that you understand that a Vulture thrives on power and on exercising it. (And contrary to what you might think, not every woman out there wants the husband and the white picket fence). She just wants to know that she can steal your man from right under your nose; so beware of the “best-friend” who ogles your husband when she thinks you’re not looking. It boosts her sexual ego to know that she is able to “get” your husband or guy literally from right under you because a Vulture really believes she is in some unspoken competition with every other woman out there.

If a woman is to guard her marriage against the permanent threat of the Vulture, then there are a few things she must take to heart:

  • be weary of late-night telephone or cell phone calls to your husband from other women, especially those he keeps hidden
  • be suspicious of women who want to befriend your man but are not interested in being a friend of the couple or family
  • if your partner spends an inordinate amount of time on social networking sites like Facebook, observe whether this “habit” is open to you or if you are free to peruse his page at any time
  • as a couple, set parameters and boundaries in your relationship where other members of the opposite sex are concerned
  • have a common philosophy about the “best-friend” issue; (there is no way my husband should have another woman as his “best-friend” I don’t care how much of a childhood friend she is)!
  • be honest in your relationship about expectations, needs and disappointments; relationships become vulnerable to adultery when they are built on dishonesty and a lack of communication
  • strengthen the levels of intimacy in the relationship by spending quality time together
  • keep your man sexually happy and fulfilled without being his sexual slave (a delicate balancing act I admit)
  • preserve a sense of sexual-mystery in the marriage relationship by keeping things fresh as much as possible
  • demand respect from your partner by not tolerating emotional or sexual infidelity in any form or fashion
  • listen to and trust your intuition; most of the time that you are suspicious of another woman’s motives where your man is concerned, YOU ARE RIGHT!
  • act on your intuition; if your partner displays suspicious behaviour and there is any reason to doubt him, CONFRONT him
  • don’t be the naive woman because you want to be liked by all; know that Vultures don’t play; don’t befriend one, she is the ENEMY
  • if you decide to keep your husband even if he has fallen prey to a Vulture, make sure that he accepts responsibility for his actions and seeks help independently of you, through counselling, therapy or mentorship by a man who has his head screwed on right
  • if your relationship is to survive the attack of a Vulture, then ultimately, you must learn to forgive; this is a process, not an event and should not be rushed; take time to examine the relationship, access its weaknesses, vulnerabilities and strengths and together plot a path to progress so that it never falls prey again to the wiles of the “other woman”

When a Woman is the Vulture and Your Man the Prey

We’ve all met this kind of woman I’m sure. We can sense her a mile away. She is a bird of prey and most likely, she’s preying on your man. Lest I be misunderstood, this article is not an attempt to absolve men of any of the guilt or responsibility which they must acknowledge when it comes to cheating. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Men are not babies. They know what they are doing when they decide to take that plunge and sleep with another woman. Be that as it may, it is critical to note that when men fail sexually in their relationships, they don’t do it alone. Their weakness is cheerfully egged on and facilitated by the women they make themselves vulnerable to.

This comes as no surprise because as long as there have been Sampsons, there have been Delilahs. For those not familiar with that story, Delilah was a woman (in Biblical times) who got the better of the man she targeted by playing the oldest trump-card in the world; sex. Even though she had somewhat of a Political agenda, basically she was a spy for the Philistine nation, she understood how to “work it” to get what she wanted. Centuries have passed and not much has changed. There are women who are experts at plotting and planning for men just to get what they want whether that be money, status, bling, more money or plain old sex.

Vultures have a particular way with men. It’s not just that they may be physically appealing (and very often they are) but they have an intimate knowledge of men. They understand what makes a man tick and are very good at breaking down a man’s defenses to their own advantage. Usually this intimate knowledge of men comes about as a result of their wide and varied experiences with several men. Make no bones about it, these women have been to the school of life and have studied men like an out-of-print textbook. What makes a woman a vulture therefore is not her innate sexiness, charisma, nor her ability to befriend, empathise with or “counsel” although these are all vulture strategies. Women are categorized as vultures because of their selfish agenda. Primarily Vultures care about numero uno. You see this woman is never what she appears to be at face value simply because she doesn’t have a genuine bone in her body. She wants what she wants, when she wants it and to hell with you if you try to get in her way!

If you live on this planet earth, chances are you will meet a vulture in your lifetime. She may be your husband’s or guy’s work colleague. She could be a neighbor, an old cherished friend of his or the girl he meets at a game or at the Gas Station. She might even be one of your girlfriends. The point is, if she fancies sinking her teeth (and other parts of her anatomy) into some fresh prey, then she could very well pose a problem.

Vultures are good at inventing excuses as to why a guy needs to spend time with them. It could seem as innocent as a request to have a tyre changed, the need to have something heavy lifted, or the need to have a shoulder to cry on. Whatever the case, Vultures know how to make a guy feel needed and wanted and they really don’t care if he’s married or in a committed relationship. In fact that seems to make him even more attractive to Vultures! That being said, don’t make the mistake of believing that every Vulture is a desperate single-woman, some are married but live their “other-woman” existence underground.

The woman who is categorized as a Vulture, like her name-sake, watches her victim from a distance. She studies him carefully, assesses his wants and weaknesses and then moves in for the kill. As a Vulture tries new ways to get close to your man, she is really gathering the information needed to guarantee his downfall with her. If he’s a man on the look out for some extra sex, then her job is made even easier.There is really no rocket-science to her having her wicked way with this guy. However, if her prey is a family man, a husband who loves his wife but maybe a bit bored or needy in some way, she understands that her tactics have to be a lot more studied and sly.

The Vulture will therefore seek to undermine a marriage by pointing out very underhandedly, all the ways a man’s wife has not been meeting his needs. If she’s smart she might not actually bring up the wife’s name but will find ways and means of presenting herself as a viable and better option. So a Vulture, unlike most wives, will always make herself sexually accessible. She never says no. She might even do those things that some wives would never, ever dream of doing in and out of bed. She is a connoisseur at being the “better other woman” and knows how to play her cards well.

The truth be told, some Vultures are hardly interested in marriage to the guy. Being tied to any one man may actually cramp her style since she may like to leave all of her options open to new and potentially more promising experiences. So why go after any man in the first place you might ask? It’s important that you understand that a Vulture thrives on power and on exercising it. (And contrary to what you might think, not every woman out there wants the husband and the white picket fence). She just wants to know that she can steal your man from right under your nose; so beware of the “best-friend” who ogles your husband when she thinks you’re not looking. It boosts her sexual ego to know that she is able to “get” your husband or guy literally from right under you because a Vulture really believes she is in some unspoken competition with every other woman out there.

 

If a woman is to guard her marriage against the permanent threat of the Vulture, then there are a few things she must take to heart:

  • be weary of late-night telephone or cell phone calls to your husband from other women, especially those he keeps hidden
  • be suspicious of women who want to befriend your man but are not interested in being a friend of the couple or family
  • if your partner spends an inordinate amount of time on social networking sites like Facebook, observe whether this “habit” is open to you or if you are free to peruse his page at any time
  • as a couple, set parameters and boundaries in your relationship where other members of the opposite sex are concerned
  • have a common philosophy about the “best-friend” issue; (there is no way my husband should have another woman as his “best-friend” I don’t care how much of a childhood friend she is)!
  • be honest in your relationship about expectations, needs and disappointments; relationships become vulnerable to adultery when they are built on dishonesty and a lack of communication
  • strengthen the levels of intimacy in the relationship by spending quality time together
  • keep your man sexually happy and fulfilled without being his slave (a delicate balancing act I admit)
  • preserve a sense of sexual-mystery in the marriage relationship by keeping things fresh as much as possible (in spite of the pressures of the “rat-race” which we face as couples)
  • demand respect from your partner by not tolerating emotional or sexual infidelity in any form or fashion
  • listen to and trust your intuition; most of the time (if not all) that you are suspicious of another woman’s motives where your man is concerned, YOU ARE RIGHT!
  • act on your intuition; if your partner displays suspicious behaviour and there is any reason to doubt him, CONFRONT him
  • don’t be the naive woman because you want to be liked by all; know that Vultures don’t play; don’t befriend one, she is the ENEMY
  • if you decide to keep your husband even if he has fallen prey to a Vulture, make sure that he accepts responsibility for his actions and seeks help independently of you, through counselling, therapy or mentorship by a man who has his head screwed on right
  • if your relationship is to survive the attack of a Vulture, then you must learn to forgive; this is a process, not an event and should not be rushed; take time to examine the relationship, access its weaknesses, vulnerabilities and strengths and together plot a path to progress so that it never falls prey again to the wiles of the “other woman”