Most of us look towards the prospect of a new year with loads of excitement. Although the new-year is really only the turning over of one other 24hr period, somehow, we humans continue to imbue it with a remarkable power to change the course of our lives. When you think about it, times and seasons are really reference points which allow us to reflect on where we are and to set goals towards where we want to be. What better area to do this in than in our relationships? The prospect of a new-year should therefore provide us with fresh impetus to bring much needed change to our intimate relationships. Making a relationship assessment is much easier when we look at the critical areas that allow us to evaluate our level of happiness or satisfaction. Even if we have cruised through 2012 without much fuss, making a commitment to kick-start our relationship should begin with our determination to make it better in all the critical areas.
Commit to more open and honest communication in 2013. Sometimes bad relationship habits like skirting on the truth, telling white lies, convenient omissions or failure to confront, can take their toll on a relationship. Deciding to be up-front and honest about those relationship issues which rub you the wrong way is a sure-fire way to keep the communication channels open between you and your partner. While there is some scope for overlooking some idiosyncrasies in your spouse, it is important that critical issues are not continuously neglected. The truth is that even when we believe we’re not rocking the boat by discussing volatile issues, our body language or even the way that we treat our partner, becomes a powerful communicator of our unhappiness. Deciding to take our communication of dissatisfaction to the next level through open discourse, is a far more healthy way to encourage the resolution of problems.
Admittedly, our lives today are ridiculously busy. Between our professional lives, family commitments, pursuit of studies and recreational activities, we can sometimes feel a serious tug-of-war pulling us in several directions at once. Carving out special couple-time is critical for preserving that sense of special intimacy which should characterize a committed relationship or marriage. Kick-starting your relationship in 2013 should therefore include a decision to regularize date-nights. Date nights need not mean that we must break the bank every time with extravagant dinners but can include simple activities like movie-nights, romantic walks on the beach, home -dining, dancing and the like. Doing such activities together minus the kids or even with another couple, can be a powerful reminder of why we got together in the first place and can serve to keep the spark alive.
When our sex degenerates into a boring, hum-drum activity which we always do on morning rush-hour with eyes half-closed, we know that we have a problem on our hands. Even if the sex is not as extreme as described here, any move towards relationship enhancement must take stock of the state of the bedroom. So how will you rev things up in the sex department this coming year? Well; actually getting out of the bedroom may be a good place to start. Deciding to be a tad risqué by making out in your car, patio or garden (of course with privacy observed) may be a great way to add some excitement to your sex. Of course for those of us with really busy lives or small kids, committing to actually having regular sex, even minus the frills, may be a great starting point. Scheduling sex need not be a boring, predictable alternative to zero sex, since some sex is actually way better than none at all. Planning for passionate encounters, however, allows a couple to roll out the champagne, the rose petals, the music, the scented oils, the flavoured condoms, the adventurous lingerie and the like. These are the things which admittedly we can’t do every week but when we do take the time to include them, they can make our sex something really special. Let your sex goal of 2013 be the shedding of sexual inhibitions, as you and your spouse strive for something new.
Ultimately, the best way to inject a sense of newness into our relationship, is to inject some newness into ourselves. Very often our relationships are stale and boring because we’ve become stale and boring. A failure to change something as peripheral as a hairstyle, make-up, or style of dress, can be indicative of the fact that we may be stuck in a time warp. Surface changes should not just be seen as mere treks into vanity, but can indicate a willingness to try new things. This penchant for “the new” can actually spill over into other areas of the life. Pursuing studies, taking up a foreign language, learning a new skill or hobby is a great move towards self-investment. Not only will you benefit from your new-found enthusiasm and zest for life but this new, more fulfilled, more interesting and sexier you, is likely to be far more enticing to your partner.
Making a commitment to developing the self can be parallel to our commitment to developing our relationship, as we head into the new year together.