If you’re single but dissatisfied with your status, you may be thinking that a relationship will set everything right. Sure, like any other person you imagined that by now you would have been married or at least settled in a serious relationship. You have no doubt carefully perused your internal list of requirements repeatedly but when it comes to a mate, no one you’ve dated so far has even come close. Maybe there have been some exciting prospects in your past but then some mishap or the other snatched the possibility of your taking your relationship to the next level. But as anxious as you may be to get this aspect of your life all settled, are you really ready for love? Are you prepared to make the sacrifices required for a committed relationship, much less marriage? Do you have what it takes to tango with someone for the long haul?
The following twenty questions, while not exhaustive, (and their answers), should help you to determine how prepared you are for this next step. Read carefully and try to answer honestly without merely giving what you think the right answer should be. They are a great starting point for self-reflection and even for dialogue with friends.
- Do you love yourself?
- Are you actively pursuing your own life goals?
- Have you resolved past hurts from previous relationships or from your childhood?
- If such issues remain unresolved at the moment, are you at least aware of these hurts and actively seeking to put them in perspective?
- Do you really know what you want in a relationship?
- Do you expect that a relationship will make you feel whole or complete?
- Are you comfortable communicating your expectations?
- Is marriage a part of what you’re looking for in a love relationship or is it not a deal-breaker for you?
- Is marriage simply a legal contract to you for easy “bailing out” or is it a “higher-order” covenant?
- Are you prepared to practice sexual exclusivity?
- Are you prepared to establish adequate emotional boundaries with friends of the opposite sex, in order to protect your relationship from possible emotional infidelity/disloyalty?
- Are you willing to relinquish some of your independence or autonomy in favour of interdependence?
- Are you aware of the personal strengths which you can bring to a relationship?
- Are you aware of personal weaknesses which you need to work on?
- Are you prepared to compromise?
- Are you willing to sacrifice some personal preferences for the greater good of your relationship?
- How financially stable are you?
- Do you harbor childish/fairytale expectations about relationships or marriage?
- Do you expect your partner to be near perfect?
- Do you expect that your partner will meet all of your needs?
While relationship readiness does not always mean having it all together, your level of preparation and self-awareness will greatly increase your chances for relationship success.