For those guys interested in a committed relationship, getting a woman to take you seriously may feel like a scientific experiment gone haywire. Women of class and substance (you know the kind you’d actually want to introduce to your mother) just aren’t easy these days. And any woman worth her salt will work this for all its worth. Many have grown tired of the players, the dating scenes, the games, the lies and the competition. Most are convinced that there’s hardly a decent guy left on the planet and have virtually reconciled themselves to another season of singleness, being unsure of how long that season will last this time around.
But perhaps you are a guy with some shred of decency somewhere or maybe having messed up your significant relationships in the past, you want to make a fresh start. You are a man reformed. So how exactly do you convince your lady of choice that you’re totally serious this time around? Admittedly, the ease of this feat will ride on a number of factors. For example; has your potential lady been seriously hurt by a guy in her past and did this hurt involve serious stuff like deception and infidelity? Maybe she has never had a good relationship with any significant male in her life; including her father, so for her all men are basically in the dog house. What about you? Are you a well-known player whose reputation precedes you? Or are you a flirtatious smooth talker who just sounds so good to be true that no woman in her right mind would even think of giving you the time of day? Whatever your case, chances are if you’re called male, and this woman has some steel in her, you’ve got your work cut out for you.
While I don’t advocate a formulaic approach to relationships, since we’re all unique, I do believe that there is some practical wisdom out there for you guys in a bit of a relationship pickle. From a lady like me committed to seeing great relationships emerge and thrive, maybe these few pointers might help:
- Try not to compare your new love interest with any woman you’ve had before; each of us is actually quite unique and need to be handled with individualized care and attention. In practical ways, this means finding out what your potential woman wants and needs in a relationship and letting her know that you’re prepared and ready to provide it.
- Don’t get on the defensive when it comes to things like deep and meaningful conversation. A woman will judge you by your ability to communicate and share about yourself and be warned, she expects honest exposure; even of your flaws and foibles. She may not want to be exactly surprised by hidden skeletons in your closet and besides, we love strength of character and vulnerability. Remember, your aim is to build trust.
- Embrace her entire family as much as possible, especially if she’s from a close-knit one or if she has children of her own. If you’re looking for a relationship for the long haul, a woman will be suitably impressed by the attention you pay to her Mom or her kids.
- Speak positively of women generally; including your own mother, siblings or even the mother of your children from a previous relationship or marriage. Yes, you may not always be on great speaking terms with an ex but dragging her name and your past stuff through the mud repeatedly, may make a lady wonder about your integrity and discretion. This may cause her to question whether or not she will be your next casualty.
- Let the lady know that you find her beautiful inside and out and be specific about why you find her attractive. The emphasis here is on being distinct in terms of what you really like about her. So never say things like, “I love big boobs” or “I prefer a woman with a big butt.” While this may be true, the last thing you want to communicate is that your lady of choice is just one lucky selectee from a long line of options in your proverbial male line-up. Yes, women do love to have their assets admired but “tasteful, tasteful” must be your emphasis. We ladies of substance don’t like to feel like we’ve been in the figurative meat-shop waiting to be butchered.
- Ensure this lady that you are prepared to forsake all others for her. I hear your panic but don’t get scared! This simply means that you must demonstrate a willingness to set appropriate boundaries with other women when it comes to your relationship. So don’t ogle other women when with her, get rid of your flirtatious ways and decide on a discrete way to manage any other close female friendships which you may have. I’m not in any way suggesting that you ditch meaningful, old friends but make sure to communicate to them what this lady means to you; that she is now your priority. Enlist their cooperation in allaying any fears or suspicions which she may have as you seek to build a foundation of openness and trust.
- We women know that sex is always on your mind but try to show the lady that she’s more to you than a living, breathing vagina. See her as a complete person which means not pressuring her for physical intimacy, not laying a guilt trip on her if she wants you to put a ring on it and learning to honour her spirit, even before thinking about the sexual package. Value her complete womanhood and be sure to communicate your willingness to commit at the highest level; especially if this is what she is looking for.
Follow these tips guys and you just might find yourself with that woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.