Women look for cues and read a whole lot into a man’s body language. Men ogle a woman’s body and basically say to themselves, “talk to me baby”. Hmmm, what exactly accounts for the differences in the law of sexual attraction when it comes to men and women? It is agreed that who and why we find a certain individual sexually attractive can be somewhat mysterious. As we investigate the issue of sexual attraction or chemistry among men and women, the layers of differences can actually be startling.
When a group of men were quizzed by Doctor Drew Pinsky (of Sex with Dr. Drew fame) as to what they found attractive in a woman, the males readily admitted that it was the woman’s physical appearance which got them every time. In the words of one man; how could it be anything else? He maintained that when you don’t know an individual who you meet for the first time, then of course you will zero in on what makes you go all tingly inside. For most men, the source of this “itchy-tingly” feeling are the breasts, buttocks, face, eyes, legs and even hair of a woman.
When the women were quizzed however in terms of what they found attractive in a man; the answers got a lot more complex and a lot less predictable. Women admitted to being struck by a guy’s hands (and not for the reasons you’re thinking). They noticed things like whether or not his nails were clean. These indicated a man’s sense of himself; whether or not he thought highly enough of himself to take care of small things like that. Then it was his body language and whether or not it conveyed confidence and strength of character. It seems that while men were determining whether a woman was a 36-24-36, a woman was trying to decipher whether a man could add 36, 24 and 36; this “brain-power” being among the qualities that would make him worth the time of day.
What these differences indicate is that while that click of chemistry between a man and a woman can be instantaneous, it is often based on a slew of genetic influences. According to scientists, when man is on the prowl for a mate, he is actually trying to find one that is healthy and capable of reproducing his offspring. This theory leads us down the path of determining what a man finds beautiful or attractive in a prospective mate. According to research, it seems that universally, across racial and ethnic boundaries, there are certain features that all humans seems to find appealing which apparently indicate good health and fertility. For men, these include things like the symmetry of a woman’s face and the grace of her movement (now we know why men are fascinated by a woman’s walk!)
While women were more into determining character and integrity (I guess this indicates whether a man will stick around for the off-spring he produces), they were also taken by the movement of a male. In fact, a fascination with movement was found to be one of the more common traits of attraction shared by both men and women. For a woman, a man’s flexibility and athleticism, is as much linked to his sexual prowess, as it is to his ability to be a good hunter/provider. Is it any wonder then why women love men who can dance? Conversely, for men, a woman with wonderfully sashaying full hips, indicates a woman not only ripe for carrying a man’s offspring but things like her breasts and thighs are also linked in his mind with her ability to give sexual pleasure.
When picked down in such scientific ways, the seeming “science” of sexual chemistry may appear to rob what most of thought were just “magic moments” or peculiar “twists of fate” or even divine designation. Whatever your take on the matter, science and genetics aside, choosing a partner should involve a lot more than just surface attractions. Yes, there will be crazy, inexplicable, magnetic connections that appear to draw us to a particular person. But at the end of it all, it is important that we ensure that the person we may want to spend the rest of our lives with, has the qualities that will make them a suitable candidate for a relationship of permanence; if indeed that is what we are looking for.
Women, I believe, may be getting it a bit right by allowing their radars to cess out a lot more than just a man’s good looks. Reading chapter and verse into small cues like whether he makes good eye contact or talks respectfully of other women, can go a long way in separating the wolves in the pack. Of course some of us are still affected by external things like height (suggests a protector) and education and status (can suggest a good provider). But these factors should never be ends in themselves. Some men will make success at life “off the beaten path”; minus degrees and traditional status symbols. They may possess “street smarts” or even have an intuitive sense of how to make good money without the Harvard MBA. And to boot, they may even be short!
By the same token, a woman may not exactly be modelesque, with a symmetrical face or she may not be a riveting conversationalist. She may, however, have the wonderful qualities which would make her a great life-partner. A guy will never know this, however, if he never takes the time to get past his initial impression. I do agree that we will start somewhere in terms of initial physical attraction; that’s just how we are. But then it takes time to really get to know someone and usually we realise that sometimes that sexy butt or that engaging smile was not all it was cracked up to be. We may to some extent be biologically hard-wired to find certain things attractive in each other but common-sense and gut-instinct go a long way in helping us to really find that love for a lifetime.