WHAT KIND OF APPLE ARE YOU? Exploring Sexual Power Styles

Most women generally love to be in love. We love relationships because we love . . .  relating. We enjoy connecting. We love sex (those of us who do) because sex makes us feel desirable and on a good day, loved. We therefore understand intimately the power of sex. At least most of us do. From as far back as we can remember, there has always been some crazy boy panting and trying all types of tricks to get us to “drop the drawers” as it were. Some of us gave in because this is what we wanted to do at the time, some of us held fast the fort waiting for that special someone to come along or the ring, others of us were not mildly interested and still others got a heady rush from doling out that special something to who ever came along.

Even though among women there will be diverse responses to sex and sexuality based on upbringing, culture, religion, socialization and values, what is common among us is an understanding of the power of sex. Many, if not all of us understand quite well the pull or the tug of sexual attraction or chemistry.We women know intuitively that we have something that men invariably want. Steve Harvey (Author of Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man) calls it “the cookie”. I like to call it “the apple”. Yeah we all have apples that the guys just long to devour; and it’s not what you’re thinking! Please don’t be mistaken, the apple and its nectar of which I speak is not simply the literal vagina. If that were all a man wanted, such could easily be had from the prostitute down the street.

What most men crave is the essence of our sexual power. They long to unravel the mystery. They want to uncover the mystique; that illusive thing about us that they can’t quite name or put their finger on. They somehow believe that once they have sex with us, that once they possess us sexually and “nail us with their penises”, that their craving will be less potent or that their hunger will be quenched. They somehow think that they will feel more in control of us and of their confusing feelings; that they will somehow “know’ us better and in the case of the Casanovas, would have earned bragging rights often heard in locker-room conversations and bars.

Even though many men may be unaware of it, that illusive thing which they try to conqueor in a woman is more than her actual vagina as I said before. This explains why for some men any woman will not do. The man who is on a quest for sexual power will seek out the woman who exudes a certain sexual energy and strength. He wants to “take her down” or uncork her apple because she seems to have something that he earnestly wants.

Now there are a number of factors which may influence how we women respond to such unbridled male lust or sexual interest. For the convenience of this article, we will term this concept our individual “apple style”. By this I mean the way we learn to interact with our inner sexual power.


Being the lovers of attention that we are, some of us women often revel in the unbridled heat of male sexual interest. Some glory in the attention, and the sense of power that it brings. Others appreciate and enjoy the male response to their womanliness without overtly encouraging it. As attractive as this sexual interest might seem however,  we consider ourselves discerning apple lovers. In other words, we love and accept the power of our sexuality but we have nonetheless decided to accept this “sexual fire”  from only one man; the man to whom we have committed.  As flattered or as amused as we might be by the attention of others, we have vowed that they will never get close enough to even smell the nectar much less nibble on our apple. We are quite content to remain a mystery to 99% of men out there because we have chosen to reserve our sexual essence for one man. Very often this man is or becomes our husband.


From my observation, they are definitely those of us who have a love-hate relationship with our sexuality. We accept to some degree that this is what defines us but we are terrified of sexually letting ourselves go with anyone. We therefore hate such responses from men.We feel affronted and insulted because we don’t want this unsolicited male attention; in fact we don’t know what to do with it when it comes our way. Since such women can be downright afraid to confront sexuality in them selves and by extension in other people, they are usually prepared to run hard in the opposite direction when approached sexually.


While some women might be mildly or very interested in a sexual duel, they are not prepared to hand over their apple with its sweet nectar without some kind of fight. The point is though that such a woman will hand it over, eventually. She can be persuaded or cajoled; she just needs the right words, the right professions of love, or the right bargaining chip. Usually however she is just using her apple to trade for “love” or some deep feeling of acceptance. It may be purely about the looks of the guy and what he brings to the relationship. Or she might be using her apple just for the fun of it. She might think that since apples were meant to be eaten why not just give hers up for breakfast, lunch and dinner and to hell with the consequences. As long as she at least likes the guy who is doing the taking, nothing else matters.


And of course there is the woman who does not have to bother with the pretense of a relationship. She does not need to coin her sexuality in “relationship terms” in order to accept or enjoy it. She will indiscriminately hand over her sexual essence, her power and her person hood to any and everyone whether single or married, Earthling or Martian. She may even distribute this apple in even or uneven chunks to several “apple-eaters” at the same time, who may be only too eager to devour and destroy who she is. What is important to her is the sexual power she has become addicted to. She believes that her sexiness is contingent on the numbers of men who she gives away her apple to.

The DAL’s, AF’s, AT’s and AD’s are terms which represent different ways that we as women have learned to engage our sexual power.

While Discerning Apple Lovers (DAL’s) may be sexy and confident, for them, sex in the context of a committed love-relationship is high on their list of priorities and there is just no other way to engage their sexual treasure.

For Apple Fearfuls (AF’s) sex is either over-rated, unnecessary, or best left untouched. Any success into breaking into their “sexy” will require the persistence and ingenuity of one clever brother.

Apple Traders (AT’s) on the other hand, earnestly believe the adage about giving to get. The flip side is that they can easily get more than what they bargained for or even less than they expected, (depending of course on how you look at it). Once their apple has been consumed, they may recognise that they and their “trading partner” have not been exactly on the same page. This can easily leave them bereft and in search of another trader.

Apple Distributors (AD’S) at surface level, may believe that they have reached sexual utopia. They may appear quite happy with all the handling and sharing of their apple and the renown of their nectar. As their biological clocks begin to tick however, or as they glimpse the quiet adoration in an older gentleman’s eyes for the “wife of his youth” some may begin to wonder if they perhaps missed the boat on apple distribution.

As we women continue to navigate our personal sexual journeys it may be useful for us to examine this concept of our sexual energy and power (our apple). How do we feel about it? What are we doing with it? Do we even know that it exists? How does our understanding of it influence the men around us? How does our understanding of it speak to our own understanding of ourselves as sexual beings? Are we convinced that we have made the correct sexual choices? If we have not made choices in our best interests, what can we do about it?

Maybe if you’re a woman, the next time you see an apple, you’ll do some extra thinking.

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