When a Woman is a Vulture and Your Man the Prey

Denise J Charles:

Infidelity or the threat of infidelity will always be a serious issue in intimate relationships. The question is; what can we do to intervene or stem the tide? Since this article has been trending on my blog recently, I have decided to re-post.

Originally posted on Red Red Apples:

Usually, vultures have mastered the art of seduction.

We’ve all met this kind of woman I’m sure. We can sense her a mile away. She is a bird of prey and most likely, she’s preying on your man. Lest I be misunderstood, this article is not an attempt to absolve men of any of the guilt or responsibility which they must acknowledge when it comes to cheating. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Men are not babies. They know what they are doing when they decide to take that plunge and sleep with another woman. Be that as it may, it is critical to note that when men fail sexually in their relationships, they don’t do it alone. Their weakness is cheerfully egged on and facilitated by the women they make themselves vulnerable to.

This comes as no surprise because as long as there have been Sampsons, there have…

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How Is Your Post-Valentine Relationship?

Denise J Charles:

Now that the Valentine’s Day hype is behind you, do you dare to get brutally honest about the real state of your relationship?

Originally posted on Red Red Apples:

man-roses-mainOkay; so the yearly annual red roses hype has ended. The flowery words in cards of red and white have been stashed away by vendors until next year. Some of you may be out of pocket by a few bucks depending on how seriously you adhere to the Valentine’s Day tradition. Whatever the case, another special occasion for the expression of love has passed. So what’s next in your significant relationship? Although a die-hard romantic who loves romantic gestures, I’m always inclined to think that the true state of a relationship is tested outside the marketing hype of any special holiday. Romance must not be viewed as an act or posture we assume because it’s popular or because it will hopefully get us some sex. It should also never be used to manipulate the one we claim to love. Am I purporting that we should get all cynical and boring…

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The Way To A Woman’s Heart

Denise J Charles:

For you guys wanting to learn (from a woman) how to impress a woman and capture her heart for keeps . . .

Originally posted on Red Red Apples:

ImageFor those guys interested in a committed relationship, getting a woman to take you seriously may feel like a scientific experiment gone haywire. Women of class and substance (you know the kind you’d actually want to introduce to your mother) just aren’t easy these days. And any woman worth her salt will work this for all its worth. Many have grown tired of the players, the dating scenes, the games, the lies and the competition. Most are convinced that there’s hardly a decent guy left on the planet and have virtually reconciled themselves to another season of singleness, being unsure of how long that season will last this time around.

But perhaps you are a guy with some shred of decency somewhere or maybe having messed up your significant relationships in the past, you want to make a fresh start. You are a man reformed. So how exactly do you…

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Do You Fall In And Out Of Love?

Denise J Charles:

When it comes to love, do you get hooked on the Valentine’s Day hype? Read on . . .

Originally posted on Red Red Apples:

romantic_couple_sunset-wallpaper-2048x1152The idea of “falling in love” as an all-consuming passion over which we seem to have little control is standard romantic fare. We meet someone with whom there is a strong physical and even emotional attraction. We may even get to the stage where we become mildly obsessed. We can’t seem to get this love interest out of our minds. We not only think about this lucky one constantly but when we see him/her we often get all warm and fuzzy inside and our body might do things which we didn’t exactly plan for. But each of us knows that these feelings do not last. Why then do we claim to have “fallen out of love?” Do we honestly expect to maintain these heady feelings for a lifetime and what are our relationship options when this intensity begins to fade?

Scientists explain that the chemical dopamine plays a big role…

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Can A Relationship Thrive After An Affair?

Originally posted on Red Red Apples:

download36When a relationship has been plagued by an affair, there is tremendous fallout. Suspicion, the loss of trust, blame, humiliation, intense anger, hurt and grief all follow as natural results of relationship or marital betrayal. Infidelity is any act which brings a third person emotionally or and sexually, into an exclusive or covenanted relationship.

Whatever motivated the affair, the wronged party, will begin to self-doubt and question the genuineness of her relationship. These thoughts may extend away from her own marriage to focus on the external party, causing a barrage of understandable questions. Was she better in bed? Was she more loving and attentive to my spouse? Is she really a “whore” with no moral compass? Is she a threat to my long-term happiness?

While these questions may never be completely answered, their existence reveals a trend among individuals affected by infidelity; the tendency to project outwards away from their…

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Cheat and tell?

Originally posted on Red Red Apples:

Recently I had quite an interesting conversation with a girlfriend of mine. She was stuck somewhat between a rock and a hard place because she was wondering if it was always necessary to confess that one had cheated. If you cheated, did you always have to tell? Is it alright to wriggle out of an affair without confessing to your partner what had been done?

Having counselled with a number of individuals/couples on this very volatile issue of infidelity, I knew off-hand that it can be complicated. People cheat for a variety of reasons. Some do it out of retaliation because their own partner has cheated, others are motivated by a need for sexual variety and excitement, others long for the unconditional emotional support which a lover often brings, or for some, cheating is a response to a bothersome mid-life crisis or to feelings of low self-esteem. Whatever the reason…

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When Sex Clouds The Issue

Denise J Charles:

Do we allow sex to control our relationship decision-making? Can sex shape or influence how we “read” an individual or perceive a new relationship?

Originally posted on Red Red Apples:

sex gets cloudyThere’s a belief going around in some circles about women and broken relationships. It’s commonly said that the only way for a woman to get over one man is to get underneath another one. There are some women who swear by this standard and will move quickly into another intimate relationship after their marriage or relationship fails. Whether or not you believe in using sex as a means of ridding yourself of a new man and cementing yourself with a new, there can be no question that sex can be relationship-defining.

While some proponents of casual sex will say that using sex to grease one’s ego, to make oneself feel good, or for recreational and relaxation purposes is no big deal, the research confirms otherwise. Sex has an inherent component which glues individuals together; regardless. In other words, we don’t just have sex and get away scot free; there are…

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Why Some Women Need To Be “Bitches” In The Bedroom

Denise J Charles:

Do women need to undergo metamorphosis to enjoy great sex?

Originally posted on Red Red Apples:

black-woman-thinkingOur responses to sex and our own sexuality can be as complicated as they are mysterious. The truth is, we don’t learn about sex in one fell swoop. Our attitudes, behaviours and responses to sex are often a hodge-podge of multiple influences over time. The traditional socialisation of women as the more genteel and nurturing of the sexes, has meant that many women end up feeling very conflicted about their own sexuality. The media is very good at portraying the sexually liberated woman as one who is aggressive, seductive, in-charge of her own sexuality and virtually willing to claim what she needs in order to have her sexual needs fulfilled. So can the good-girl be “bad” without really being bad? What happens as a result of this anomaly?

Many women, unable to reconcile this female “tigress” with the kinder-gentler-nurturer, feel an overpowering need to adopt a new sexual personna in…

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Protecting Your Relationship From Emotional Infidelity

Denise J Charles:

Infidelity in intimate relationships or marriage is not always about sex. Protecting the exclusivity of a committed relationship begins first with recognizing the inherent dangers in other opposite-sex emotional attachments . . .

Originally posted on Red Red Apples:

We have to exercise clear controls for ensuring that our relationships do not cross the emotional boundaries which could harm our primary relationship. We have to exercise clear controls for ensuring that our relationships do not cross the emotional boundaries which could harm our primary relationship.

As human beings we all have an overpowering need for human connection. We want to feel as though we matter. It is important that we are affirmed and that our worth is validated. Most of us therefore enter marriage expecting that our spouse will meet our deep need for love and acceptance. In an ideal world where we all came from well-adjusted families, this would probably be true. Since, however, we enter marriage with our own individual, often flawed emotional life-scripts; sometimes we are not exactly poised to meet someone else’s emotional needs. This is especially so, if when growing up ours were not met.

In other words, inadequate parenting or abuse, can affect our ability to reach out to someone else. So while our spouse may…

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